Day 41 – A Moment to Reflect

For the past 2 weeks I have struggled to get to sleep and felt tremendously groggy when my alarm has awoken me.

At night, I can’t seem to get comfortable and I toss and turn for what feels like hours. Usually I would listen to a podcast or audiobook to relax my mind, but for some reason it isn’t working lately. Occasionally I suffer from Restless Leg Syndrome, but at the moment it is rampant – I twitch and stretch and nothing seems to placate it – even upping my quinine and water intake isn’t helping.

I rarely sleep through the night under usual circumstances, but lately I find I am waking in the early hours on most days. Then, when my alarm goes off, I am so tired that I lazily hit the snooze button 2 or 3 times.

I vividly dream every night – this is not unusual – but now these dreams stay with me throughout the day. They are not necessarily nightmarish or scary, they do not haunt me, they are just there in the back of my mind. I remember snippets and can see the blurry faces of the characters. My interest in psychology begs me to try and interpret them, but there seems to be no rhyme or reason to the content. I have to put it down to my brain making sense of my day – of everything that is happening around me – and accept that this is part of my reaction to the current situation.

Perhaps I do not feel as safe in my “bubble” as I thought.

*****

Today our nation holds a minute silence to remember all the health, care and other key workers who have lost their lives to coronavirus. It is a sobering moment and my heart is full of sadness, respect and gratitude. These courageous people saved lives and kept the rest of our country safe. They did not do this for money, they did it out of love and dedication.

I think about 2 of my friends – both frontline workers – who have battled, and thankfully survived, the virus. Putting their own families at risk in order to help others.

This poignant moment brings a lump to my throat and salty tears sting my eyes. I do not swallow the sadness, I let it fall freely for all those who have lost someone.   This tribute seems very little in comparison to what has been sacrificed. This pandemic has impacted upon many people and their families will never be the same again

This virus has changed us. It has shown who the real heroes are.