Spring is on the way….

According to Fitbit app stats, my only exercise so far this year must have been chasing flies around the living room with “The Exterminator” fly-killing racquet.

It has been far too windy and cold to motivate me to leave the house, and I have been hoping I might lose weight through osmosis whilst watching the Winter Olympics, but alas, no such luck.  About ten minutes into the Curling, I did suggest to Darren “we could do that down the hallway with the dustpan and brush” but my idea was swiftly mooted.

So, I have taken to a quick “boogie” (Christ, I’m old) of a lunchtime, and am partial to a bit of Drum ‘n’ Bass (#90steen).  I pop in the kitchen, sometimes pull down the blinds to get the “nightclub effect” and ask Alexa to play a bit of Prodigy or JX.   Although she is a righteous cow that Alexa, always correcting me.

Me:  Alexa, play Baby D: Everybody’s Gotta Learn Sometimes

Alexa:  Playing Baby D:  I Need Your Loving (Everybody’s Got to Learn Sometimes)

Yeah all right love, it was close enough.

Speaking of the nineties, I have been very excited to watch the new series of SATC (Sex and the City, for those young’uns reading) – it’s like catching up with old friends!  I am simultaneously watching Filthy Rich (it’s like a semi-religious comedy Dallas) and on top of this (I KNOW!) there is Euphoria (spoiler: Zendaya is NOT the pink-haired beauty from The Greatest Showman!).

Now, call me prude-ish, naïve or whatever, but there is A LOT of sex and drugs in some of these shows!  And the kids (sorry, they are 16 years old) young adults are dressing in glitzy costumes, taking drugs I have never heard of (let alone could afford) and having crazy, intense sex with each other.

Is this today’s reality?  Or was I just really missing out in my youth?

When I was sixteen, me and my mates spent time eating pick ‘n’ mix at the cinema or eating ice creams on the train in Poole Park.  One of our Mums would drive us to the Venue (whoop whoop!) nightclub and pick us up afterwards, where we went home and slept on the floor of the lounge, eating crackers and cheese slices.  I would sneak into pubs with my older friends, and have Diamond White in the street, whilst we practiced our signature “tags” on scraps of paper, or squeezed into one bedroom to play Fifa or watch Aladdin (RIP Robin Williams).  And we always looked after each other, because let’s face it, we didn’t have mobile phones to keep in touch!  If we were meeting on the bench outside Spar at 6pm, you had to be there.

As a step-parent, I can only hope Charlotte grows up feeling confident, smart and gorgeous inside and out, and the pressure and influence of social media and TV doesn’t make her change who she is, or who she wants to be.  But I am also aware that I have very little power over what she sees, how she reacts and what she feels.  I can only be there to support her and help build her resilience as best I can.

Anyway, whatever happened to the innocence of Sweet Valley High?  Or the complicated intricacies of Dawson’s Creek?!

*****

Today’s lunchtime workout was a walk, in full gym regalia and sunnies, because the sun was actually shining, yippee!  I saw snowdrops, new green leaves and five deer chilling in a field.  The air was crisp, and everyone passing by was smiling and enjoying the first signs of Spring.

Yeahy!

I should add…because the guilt is killing me…that this walk was instigated by a calorific trip to the bakery, where I had purchased lunch (sausage roll with blue cheese) and a brownie (lunch pudding, obvs) and a lemon drizzle slice for Darren.   As I walked into the shop Bill Withers’ “Lovely Day” was playing and I couldn’t help singing along to it and tapping my foot.  Soon the young man serving me was humming along, and the girl – about his age and putting out loaves of bread – joined me in singing the chorus.  The sun was beaming through the glass front of the building, it was warm and the radio was playing a great tune.  And everyone felt good, you could just tell.

It was a really nice, shared, human moment.

Being a human is weird, don’t you think?  It is simultaneously terrifying and amazing, sad and full of joy.  We lost my Great Aunt this week and during my lunchtime wander, among the sprouting plants and blooming blossoms,  I had a little moment – I visited Aunty Betty quite a bit as a child, she was very close to my Nan who passed about five years ago, and also a huge part of my Mum’s life – and knowing she is up there with my nan and granddad, and the other family I have had to say goodbye to over the years, made me feel very humble.

It also made me reflect on the very essence of life:  the inevitability of loss and sadness we mortals experience – which is sometimes so overwhelming that we feel we cannot cope – is what makes life so very worthwhile and precious and brings such levity to the magical moments we cherish.

*****

I have been lucky enough to create memories with so many people – friends, family, even strangers – and this has made my life all the richer.  My family has grown over the past few years, having gained a step-daughter, parents-in-law and associated extended family.  This is something I never, ever thought I would get to have.  I never believed I would be lucky enough to find a good, honest man, let alone loving the most amazing kid.

And this weekend we are off to see said kid, to celebrate her Dad’s birthday.  A few weeks ago we managed to slip away to choose a card, gift wrap and label, and Charlotte also selected a coaster: World’s Greatest Dad.  We only had a twenty minute window to make these secret purchases, and I was a little flustered, looking for my own card for Darren, along with a Valentine.  As we walked to shop number two, Charlotte sensed my exasperation and took my hand, looking at me in all earnest, and said: “OK.  I think we should just focus on the birthday right now.  And the card can be from both of us.”  Children can be very perceptive….

So off we go this weekend, and as usual I am approaching it with military precision:  My lunchtime is spent boiling eggs so that we can have breakfast sarnies on our way.  The snack bag (crisps, biccies, sweets – which are rarely touched) is organised, and drinks are put into the fridge.  Then I pack Charlotte’s bag with spare clothes, PJs, her unicorn stuffed toy, gloves and hat, Uno, colouring book with pens and pencils and a handful of random characters from Frozen.  Oh, and her favourite pillow.

After work, I pack my own bag, plus the secret b’day gifts, and then sort out the back of the car with a tablet (chockfull of her fave TV shows and films), car seat, blanket, toys, books and sick bucket (just in case).  Plus wellies and raincoats in the boot.

But it’s still not over!  Because then I have to empty the fridge of any food that might spoil (in 24 hours?  What is wrong with me) and put the rubbish bag and food waste out, bringing the bins across so we can put them out on Sunday night when we get home.  Shower, finish packing and then…..breathe.

All this for approximately six hours of travel and about 30 hours in Cornwall.

But it’s worth it, just to see her little face light up as we arrive and the feel of her warm little mitts in mine as we walk down the street.

Family isn’t just blood.  I don’t need to be biologically related to Charlotte to miss the smell of her hair and the sound of her feet running down the hallway when she’s not around.  My family tree was grown from the roots of my ancestors, but some of the most important branches are made up of close friends, and my special little family.

Dedicated to the newest member of our family – gorgeous Finley –

welcome to the world baby boy!